Kyrgyzstan – Women Challenge Stereotypes & Traditions
Author: Womens UN Report Network
Date: February 14, 2011
WUNRN
KYRGYZSTAN – WOMEN CHALLENGE
STEREOTYPES
AS TRADITIONAL
EXPECTATIONS OF MARRIAGE & VIRGINITY
By Gulayim Myrzaeva – February 18, 2011
A
wedding in
await from their birth. Parents spend a great amount of money preparing the
dowry and the feast. However, there is one moment that can ruin not only the
outcome of the event and the fate of the bride, but also tarnish the family
honor – the display of the first night bed sheet.
A great disgrace befalls a woman whose sheet remains clean.
Ironically, at the same time it is expected that the man should have had a
sexual experience before the marriage, and it is a great shame for him to be a
virgin at his wedding. These traditional views vividly display that women in
their choices.
In 2008, neighboring
“Bremya devstvennosti” [The Burden of Virginity]. Despite an authoritarian
regime and strict censorship, the filmmakers showed the film. It divided the
audience. Some liked it for being a true reflection of reality; others
criticized it for distorting traditions.
More liberal Kyrgyzstan has not raised the issue. While Kyrgyzstan
is fulfilling obligations it made under the Convention to End All Forms of
Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) by establishing quotas for numbers of
women in government, ordinary women receive little support from the government
in changing the cultural status quo.
Zuhra M., age 25, is a beautiful woman with a great smile. Talking
over this delicate issue she cannot meet my eyes and has a guilty look despite
the fact there is nothing she should be ashamed of. Zuhra got married when she
was 18, but her marriage lasted only for two days. “Uzbeks have their first night
a day after the wedding. All day my husband was with his friends and I was at
home at yuzochty [a ceremony after which the bride can unveil her face]. In the
evening my husband and I went to our bedroom. Around ten women were sitting in
a room next to our bedroom. Since my husband was too drunk he could not do
anything. After one hour or so a woman started to knock at our door demanding
the sheet. He opened and said to everyone that I am not a virgin. The next
moment they kicked me out of the house and my parents came to pick me up,” says
Zuhra sadly.
It is very hard for her to remember all of the humiliation she and
her family had to go through. When Zuhra’s husband’s family demanded her family
pay for the wedding expenses, Zuhra’s mother insisted on a medical check-up.
She asked her ex-in-laws to select a gynecologist, and she took her daughter
there. After the doctor proved Zuhra’s virginity to her ex-husband’s parents,
they asked her to return.
“I could not live with people who made my family and me go through
such humiliation. Now I am divorced – another stigma – and still a virgin,”
shares Zuhra.
Two years ago with the help of her parents and brothers Zuhra
bought an apartment. Now it has become a shelter for her community group. The
sign at the entrance says “Sewing Courses” because she is afraid that people in
the neighborhood would not welcome her initiative. Zuhra still carries the pain
and sorrow in her heart, but finds strength to overcome her personal problems
and help other young divorced women, non-virgins, and sex workers who face
similar discrimination.
“In my community group I help young women facing discrimination to
obtain professional skills and start earning money. I think having their own
money will make them less vulnerable and will enable them to obtain a
respectful place in our society. But the most important thing I want to show
them is that they are not alone and there are people who want to help.” In
total Zuhra has helped 13 women start over.
Flowers
in the bride’s hands.
Photograph courtesy of the author.
One of the most respected
gynecologists in Osh, Kyrgyzstan, Anara Jumakulova is a slight woman with green
eyes. Despite her age she has a liberal view on the “first night sheet”
tradition. “I have restored hundreds of hymens. Maybe it is unethical or even
sinful but I think that doing so preserves all those girls from discrimination
and disgrace. Before the wedding women bring their future daughter-in-laws and
ask [me] to prove their virginity and that the hymen was not restored.
Sometimes I lie,” Anara tells me frankly. “For example a month ago I had a girl
who was raped during the war [inter-ethnic clashes of June 2010]. She had a
restored hymen and was afraid that I would tell the truth to her future
in-laws. But I could not add on more sufferings to this poor girl.”
Today medical centers in
monthly salary is 2300 KGS [$50 USD] this solution seems to be quite expensive.
Anara believes that since most Kyrgyzstani men are sexually active before they
marry they could easily identify for themselves whether the bride is a virgin or
sexually experienced. “I am not trying to look like a hero,” she
tells me. “I just I think it is an out-dated tradition and society must
accept that a woman has to decide herself to lose or preserve her
virginity.”
Dinara Karimbekova, chair of the women’s NGO BINGO and department
head at the Ministry of Economic Development of Kyrgyzstan. She has been
working on women’s rights in
almost a year.
“It is hard to fight with something that has a long history and
became part of people’s values. But society needs to change and whether it
wants to or not, it will. Every day I see young women who don’t want to accept
the old rules. They select their partners, perform well at their careers, marry
at their own choice, and determine how many children they want.” says Dinara.
BINGO is also preparing a draft amendment to the criminal code on
legal punishment for “Kyz ala kachuu” [bride kidnapping] another age old
tradition that discriminates against women in Kyrgyzstan.
Today Kyrgyzstan is undergoing major political, economic, and social
transformations. A new government is trying to start reforms and bring changes
to the country. The first woman president in the entire CIS territory, Roza Otunbaeva,
has come to power. Maybe her presidency will improve the situation for women’s
rights, however, it is unknown whether Ms. President will get involved. In the
meantime, ordinary women of Kyrgyzstan will continue their struggle until both
men and women have an equal right to express their sexuality without fear.
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