India – Gandhi – Women – Child Marriage – Dowry – Widows +

Women’s Problems

Women and India’s Future

790. I am firmly of opinion that India’s salvation
depends on the sacrifice and enlightenment of her women.-H,27-6-36,i53.

791.I had flattered myself that my contribution to the
women’s cause definitely began with the discovery of satyagraha. But the
writer of the letter is of opinion that the fair sex requires treatment
different from men. It is so, I do not think any man will find the correct
solution. No matter how much he tries, he must fail because nature has
made him different from woman. Only the toad under the harrow knows where
it pinches him. Therefore ultimately woman will have to determine with
authority what she needs. My own opinion is that, just as fundamentally
man and woman are one, their problem must be one in essence. The soul in
both is the same. The two live the same life, have the same feelings. Each
is a complement of the other. The one cannot live without the other’s
active help.
But somehow or other man has dominated woman from ages
past., and so woman has developed an inferiority complex. She has believed
in the truth of man’s interested teaching that she is inferior to him. But
the seers among men have recognized her equal status.
Nevertheless
there is no doubt that at some point there is bifurcation. Whilst both are
fundamentally one, it is also equally true that in the form there is a
vital difference between the two. Hence the vocations of the two must also
be different. The duty of motherhood, which the vast majority of women
will always undertake, requires qualities which man need not possess. She
is passive, he is active. She is essentially mistress of the house. He is
the bread-winner. She is the keeper and distributor of the bread. She is
the care-taker in every sense of the term. The art of bringing up the
infants of the race is her special and sole prerogative. Without her care
the race must become extinct.
In my opinion it is degrading both for
man and woman that woman should be called upon or induced to forsake the
hearth and shoulder the rifle for the protection of that hearth. It is a
reversion to barbarity and the beginning of the end. In trying to ride the
horse that man rides, she brings herself and him down. The sin will be on
man’s head for tempting or compelling his companion to desert her special
calling. There is as much bravery in keeping one’s home in good order and
condition as there is in defending it against attack from without.
As
I have watched millions of peasants in their natural surroundings and as I
watch them daily in little Segaon, the natural division of spheres of work
has forced itself on my attention. There are no women black-smiths and
carpenters. But men and women work on the fields, the heaviest work being
done by the males. The women deep and manage the homes. They supplement
the meagre resources of the family, but man remains the main breadwinner.

The divisions of the spheres of work being recognized, the general
qualities and culture required are practically the same for both the
sexes.
My contribution to the great problem lies in my presenting for
acceptance truth and ahimsa in every walk of life, whether for individuals
or nations. I have hugged the hope that in this woman will be the
unquestioned leader and, having thus found her place in human evolution,
she will shed her inferiority complex. If she is able to do this
successfully, she must resolutely refuse to believe in the modern teaching
that everything is determined and regulated by the sex impulse. I fear I
have put the proposition rather clumsily. But I hope my meaning is clear.
I do not know that the millions of men who are taking an active part6 in
the war are obsessed by the sex specter. Nor are the peasants working
together in their fields worried or dominated by it. This is not to say or
suggest that they are free from the instinct implanted in man and woman.
But it most certainly does not dominate their lives as it seems to
dominate the lives of those who are saturated with the modern sex
literature. Neither man nor woman has time for such things when he or she
is faced with the hard fact of living life in its grim reality.
I have
suggested in these columns that woman is the incarnation of ahimsa. Ahimsa
means infinite love, which again means infinite capacity for suffering.
Who but woman, the mother of man, shows this capacity in the largest
measure? She shows it as she carries the infant and feeds it during nine
months and derives joy in the suffering involved. What can beat the
suffering caused by the pangs of labour? But she forgets them in the joy
of creation. Who again suffers daily so that her babe may wax from day to
day? Let her transfer that love to the whole of humanity, let her forget
that she ever was or can be the object of man’s lust. And she will occupy
her proud position by the side on man as his mother, maker and silent
leader. It is given to her to teach the art of peace to the warring would
thirsting for that nectar. She can become the leader in satyagraha which
does not require the learning that books give but does require the stout
heart that comes from suffering and faith.
My good nurse in the
Sassoon Hospital, Poona, as I was lying on a sick bed years ago, told me
the story of a woman who refused to take chloroform because she would not
risk the life of the babe she was carrying. She had to undergo a painful
operation. The only anesthetic she had was her love for the babe, to save
whom no suffering was too great. Let not women, who can count many such
heroines among them, ever despise their sex or deplore that they were not
born men. The contemplation of that heroine often makes me envy woman the
status that is hers, if she only knew. There is as much reason for man to
with that he was born a woman as for woman to do otherwise. But the wish
is fruitless. Let us be happy in
the state to which we are born and do the duty
for which nature has destined us. –H, 24-2-40, 13.

The Problem

792. I passionately desire the utmost freedom for our
women. I detest child marriages. I shudder to see a child widow, and
shiver with rage when a husband just widowed contracts with brutal
indifference another marriage. I deplore the criminal indifference of
parents who deep their daughters utterly ignorant and illiterate and bring
them up only f9r the purpose of marrying them off to some young man of
means. Notwithstanding all this grief and rage, I realize the difficulty
of the problem. Women must have votes and an equal legal status. But the
problem does not end there. It only commences at the point where women
begin to affect the political deliberations of the nation. –YI,
21-7-21, 229.

The Ideal of Marriage

793. The ideal that marriage aims at is that of
spiritual union through the physical. The human love that it incarnates is
intended to serve as a stepping stone to divine or universal love.
S.F.G-18

794. The wife is not the husband’s bond slave, but his
companion and his helpmate, and an equal partner in all his joys and
sorrows—as free as the husband to choose her own path—Auto,
38.

Child Marriage

795. What is kanaka in the case of little children?
Has a father any rights of property over his children? He is their
protector not owner. And he forfeits the privilege of protection when he
abuses it by seeking to garter away the liberty of the ward.

The least that a parent, who has so abused his trust
as to give in marriage an infant to an old man in his dotage or to a boy
hardly in his teens, can do, is to purge himself of his sin by remarrying
his daughter when she becomes widowed. As I have said in a previous note,
such marriages should be declared null and void from the beginning.

–YI, 11-11-26, 388.

796. You must be able surely to control your lust to
this extent, that you are not going to marry a girl that is under 16 years
age. If I could do so I would lay down 20 as the minimum. Twenty years is
early enough even in India. It is we who are responsible for the precocity
of the girls, not even the Indian climate, because I know girls of the age
of twenty who are pure and undefiled and able to stand the storm that may
rage round. Let us not hug that precocity to ourselves. Some Brahman
students tell me that they cannot follow this principle, that they cannot
get Brahman girls sixteen years old, very few Brahmans keep their
daughters unmarried till that age, the Brahman girls are married mostly
before 10, 12 and 13 years. Then I say to the Brahman youth, “Cease to be
a Brahman, if you cannot possibly control yourself. Choose a grown up girl
of 16 who became a widow when she was a child. If you cannot get a Brahman
widow who has reached that age, then go and take any girl you like. And I
tell you that the God of the Hindus will pardon that boy who has preferred
to marry out of his caste rather than ravish a girl of twelve. When your
heart is not pure and you cannot master your passions, you cease to an
educated man. You have called your institution a premier institution. I
want you to leave up to the name of the premier institution which must
produce boys who will occupy the front rank in character. And what is
education without character and what is character without elementary
personal purity? Brahmanism I adore. I have defended Varnashrama Dharma.
But Brahmanism that can tolerate untouchability, virgin widowhood,
spoliation of virgins, stinks in my nostrils. It is a parody of
Brahmanism. There is no knowledge of Brahman therein. There is no true
interpretation of the scriptures. It is undiluted animalism, Brahmanism is
made of sterner
stuff.

–YI, 15-9-27, 314.

The Dowry System

797.The system has to go. Marriage must cease to be a
matter of arrangement made by parents for money. The system is intimately
connected with caste. So long as the choice is restricted to a few
hundred-young men or young women of a particular caste, the system, will
persist no matter what is said against it. The girls or boys or their
parents will have to break the bonds of caste if the evil is to be
eradicated. All this means education of a character that will
revolutionize the mentality of the youth of the nation. –H, 23-5-36,
117.

798.There should be work done in the schools and
colleges and amongst the parents of girls. The parents should so educate
their daughters that they would refuse to marry a young man who wanted a
price for marrying and would rather remain spinsters than be party to the
degrading terms. The only honourable terms in marriage are mutual love and
mutual consent. –YI, 27-12-28, 431.

799. Q. Namashudra girls are generally married at the
age of 12 or 13; formerly the usual age was 8 or 9. The bridegroom has to
pay a dowry of Rs. 150 for the bride. The average difference of age
between the two is about 12 to 15 years. As a result of this the number of
widows in namashudra society is rather large. Among one section of the
caste, widow remarriage was prevalent. But in imitation of another section
which was looked upon as superior, the former are giving up that practice.
What is your advice regarding child marriage and widow remarriage?

A. Dealing with the question Gandhiji said that his
opinion was definite. In the first instance there should be no possibility
of child widows. He was averse to child marriages. It was an evil custom
which unfortunately the namashudras had perhaps taken from the so-called
higher castes.

Gandhiji was also against the system of dowry. It was
nothing but the sale of girls. That there should be castes even amongst
namashudras was deplorable and he would strongly advise them to abolish
all caste-distinctions amongst themselves. And in this they should bear in
mind the opinion the speaker had often expressed that all
caste-distinctions should be abolished, and there should be only one
caste, namely, bhangis and all Hindus should take pride in being called
bhangis and nothing else. This applied to the namashudras as well.

When child marriages were abolished, naturally there
would be few, if any, young widows. As a general rule he was for one man
one wife for life, and one woman one husband for life. Custom had
familiarized women in the so-called higher castes with enforced widowhood.
Contrary was the rule with men. He called it a disgrace, but whilst
society was in that pitiable condition, he advocated widow remarriage for
all young widows. He believed in equality of the sexes and, therefore, he
could only think of the same rights for women as men. –16-3-47,
67.

The Choice of Mates and Social
Interference

800. (Referring to a case of suicide, Gandhiji
wrote:)
In my opinion such marriages as are interdicted in a particular
society cannot be recognized all at once or at the will of the individual.
Nor has society or relatives of parties concerned any right to impose
their will upon and forcibly curtail the liberty of action of the young
people who may want to contract such marriages. In the instance cited by
the correspondent both the parties had fully attained maturity. They could
well think for themselves. No one had a right forcibly to prevent them
from marrying each other if they wanted to. Society could at the most
refuse to recognize the marriage, but it was the height of tyranny to
drive them to suicide.

Marriage taboos are not universal and are largely
based on social usage. The usage varies from province to province and as
between different divisions. This does not mean that the youth may ride
rough-shod over all established social customs and inhibitions. Before
they decide to do so, they must convert public opinion to their side. In
the meantime, the individuals concerned ought patientlyto bide their time,
or if they cannot do that calmly and quietly to face the consequences of
social ostracism.At the same time it is equally the duty of society not to
take up a heartless, step-motherly attitude towards those who might
disregard r break the established conventions. In the instance described
by my correspondent the guilt of driving the young couple to suicide
certainly rests on the shoulders of society if the version that is before
me is correct. –H, 29-5-37. 125.

801. Q. You advocate inter-caste marriages. Do you
also favour marriages between Indians professing different religions?
Should they declare themselves as belonging to no denomination, or can
they continue their old religious practices and yet intermarry? If so,
what form should the marriage ceremony take? Is it to be a purely civil
function or a religious function?

Do you consider religion to be exclusively a personal
matter?
A. Though Gandhiji admitted that he had not always held the
view, he had come to the conclusion long ago that an inter -religious
marriage was a welcome event whenever it took place. His stipulation was
that such connection was not a product of lust. In his opinion it was no
marriage. It was illicit intercourse. Marriage in his estimation was a
sacred institution. Hence there must be mutual friendship, either party
having equal respect for the religion of the other. There was no question
in this of conversion. Hence the marriage ceremony would be performed by
the priests belonging to either faith. This happy event could take place
when the communities shed mutual enmity and had regard for the religions
of the world.

–H, 16-3-47, 63.

802. Q. You say that you are in favour of inter
religious marriages, but at the same time you say that each arty should
retain his or her own religion and, therefore, you said, you tolerated
even civil marriages. Are there any instances of parties belonging to
different religions keeping up their own religions to the end of their
lives? And is not the institution of civil marriage a negation of religion
and does it not tend towards laxity of religion?

A. Gandhiji said that the questions were appropriate.
He had no instances in mind where the parties had clung to their
respective faiths up to death, because these friends whom he knew had not
yet died. He had, however, under his observation men and women professing
different religions and each clinging to his or her own faith without
abatement. But he would go so far as to say that they need not wait for
the discovery of past instances. They should create new ones so that timid
ones may shed their timidity.

As to civil marriages, he did not believe in them, but
he welcomed the institution of civil marriage as a much needed reform for
the sake of reform. –H, 16-3-47, 67.

Marriage and Love

803. A correspondent laid down the following
conditions of marriage : (I) Mutual attraction or love; (2) Eugenic
fitness; (3) Approval and consent of the respective families concerned;
and consideration for the interest of the social order to which one
belongs; (4) Spiritual development.

I accept generally the conditions for an ideal
marriage enumerated by my correspondent. But I would change their order of
importance and put ‘love’ last in the list. By giving it the first place,
the other conditions are liable to be overshadowed by it altogether and
rendered more or less nugatory. Therefore, spiritual development ought to
e given the first place in the choice for marriage. Service should come
next, family considerations and the interest of the social order should
have the third place, and mutual attraction or ‘love’ the fourth and the
last place. This means that ‘love’ alone, where the other three conditions
are not fulfilled, should not be held as a valid reason for marriage. At
the same time, marriage where there is no love should equally be ruled out
even though all the other conditions are fully complied with. I should
score out the condition of eugenic fitness, because the begetting of
offspring being the central purpose of marriage, eugenic fitness cannot be
treated as a ‘condition’; it is the sine qua non of marriage. –H,
5-6-37, 131.

The Married Estate

804. A sister, who is a good worker, and was anxious
to remain celibate in order to serve better the country’s cause, has
recently married having met the mate of her dreams. But she imagines that
in doing so she has done wrong and fallen from the high ideal which she
had set before herself. I have tried to rid her mind of this delusion. It
is no doubt an excellent thing for girls to remain unmarried for the sake
of service, but the fact is that only one in a million is able to do so.
Marriage is a natural thing in life, and to consider it derogatory in any
sense is wholly wrong. When one imagines any act a fall it is difficult,
however hard one tries, to raise oneself. The ideal is to look upon
marriage as a sacrament and therefore to lead a life of self-restraint in
the married estate. Marriage in Hinduism is one of the four ashrams. In
fact the other three are based on it.

The duty of the above-mentioned and other sisters who
think like her is, therefore, not to look down upon marriage but to give
it its due place and make of it the sacrament it is. If they exercise the
necessary self-restraint, they will find growing within themselves a
greater strength for service. She who wishes to serve will naturally
choose a partner in life who is of the same mind, and their joint service
will be the country’s gain. –H, 22-3-42, 88.

Divorce

805. Marriage confirms the right of union between two
partners to the exclusion of all the others when in their joint opinion
they consider such union to be desirable, but it confers no right upon one
partner to demand obedience of the other to one’s wish for union. What
should be done when one partner on moral or other grounds cannot conform
to the wishes of the other is a separate question. Personally, if divorce
was the only alternative, I should not hesitate to accept it, rather than
interrupt my moral progress, – assuming that I want to restrain myself on
purely moral grounds. –YI, 8-10-25, 346.

Widow Remarriage

806. The total of 1921 is a trifle higher than for the
two (previous) decades They only demonstrate still further the enormity of
the wrong done to the Hindu girl widows. We cry out for cow-protection in
the name of religion, but we refuse protection to the girl widow. In the
name of religion we force widowhood upon our three lakhs of girl widows
who could not understand the import of the marriage ceremony. To force
widowhood upon little girls is a brutal crime for which we Hindus are
daily paying dearly. If our conscience was truly awakened there would be
no marriage before 15, let alone widowhood, and we would declare that
these three lakhs of girls were never married. Voluntary widowhood
consciously adopted by a woman who has felt the affection of a partner
adds grace and dignity to life, sanctifies the home and uplifts religions
itself. Widowhood imposed by religion or custom is an unbearable yoke and
defiles the home by secret vice and degrades religion.

If we would be pure, if we would save Hinduism, we
must rid ourselves of this poison of enforced widowhood. The reform must
begin by those who have girl widows taking courage in both their hands and
seeing that the child widows in their charge are duly and well married
–not remarried. They were never really married. –YI, 5-8-26,
276.

807. Widow-remarriage is no sin—if it be, it is as
much a sin as the marriage of a widower is .All widowhood is not holy. It
is an adornment to her who can observe it. If this sister has the courage,
then let her speak out her mind to her uncle and brothers and seek their
help. It they cannot assist in the marriage, then the sister will have to
quit their house and take refuge in some widow-remarriage
institution.

–(Translated from the Hindi Navajivan of
9-5-29.)

808. Some Brahman students told me that they cannot
follow this principle, that they cannot get Brahman girls sixteen years
old, very few Brahmans keep their daughters unmarried till that age, the
Brahman girls are married mostly before 10, 12 and 13 years. Then I say to
the Brahman youth, ‘Cease to be Brahman if you cannot possibly control
yourself. Choose a grown up girl of 16 who became a widow when she was a
child. If you cannot get a Brahman widow who has reached that age, then go
and take any girl you like. And I tell you that the God of the Hindus will
pardon that boy who has preferred to marry out of his caste rather than
ravish a girl of twelve.’ –YI, 15-9-27, 314.

The Purdah

809. Chastity is not a hot-house growth. It cannot be
protected by the surrounding wall of the purdah. It must grow from within,
and to be worth anything it must be capable of withstanding every unsought
temptation.

–YI, 3-2-27, 37.

810. And why is thee all this morbid anxiety about
female purity? Have women any say in the matter of male purity? We hear
nothing of women’s anxiety about men’s chastity. Why should men arrogate
to themselves the right to regulate female purity? It cannot be
superimposed from without. It is a matter of evolution from within and
therefore of individual self-effort.

–YI, 25-11-26, 415.